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Last night, I returned to my hotel in Tokyo after attending the premiere of Pillars of Power, still reflecting on the Ikigai Abundance Retreat 2026 with Ken Honda, which had ended three days earlier.
My eyes were tired from wearing contact lenses all day, and I couldn't wait to put on my glasses. I opened their hard case and found them in two pieces. The tiny screw holding one of the arms had completely disappeared. How does a screw vanish from a pair of glasses inside a closed, hard case?
My first reaction was surprise. My second was, How am I going to see properly now? But then I thought: What is the symbolism of this? What is it trying to teach me? And it got me thinking about everything I'd experienced during the retreat.
I'd had some wonderful conversations, helped people, and received feedback that reminded me why I love what I do. One woman even told me that something I'd shared had transformed her life. At the same time, I'd approached a few influential people about possible collaborations, and they didn't seem particularly interested. I felt disappointed. And then I caught myself thinking, One day, they'll be the ones approaching me.
I laughed when I realised what was behind that thought. A little part of me wanted to prove them wrong. And that raised a much more interesting question.
Whose eyes am I using to see my own worth?
The Tiny Beliefs That Hold Everything Together
Think about a screw. It's such a small thing, yet it can hold an entire structure together. Our beliefs often work the same way. We hold assumptions about ourselves that seem insignificant until we begin to notice how much they influence our thoughts, feelings, and decisions.
Perhaps you recognise some of these:
- I'll feel successful when the right people recognise my work.
- I'll feel worthy when someone chooses me.
- I'll feel confident when I achieve more.
- I'll be happy when my circumstances improve.
- I'll believe in myself when other people believe in me.
These beliefs can become the invisible screws holding together the way we see ourselves. And because we've lived with them for so long, we rarely question them. We simply accept them as truth. But what happens when we begin to loosen one?
What happens when we realise that someone's lack of interest says very little about our value? That another person's success takes nothing away from our own? That we can appreciate recognition without depending on it? We might discover that we've been looking at ourselves through someone else's eyes.
Are You Trying Too Hard?
There was another experience during the retreat that I'd almost forgotten about.
During the Ikigai Abundance Retreat, I had a healing session with Dr Murata. What he told me turned out to be one of the most valuable lessons I took away from those days. He told me two things.
First, that I tend to overthink. And second, that I try too hard.
He suggested a simple exercise. When walking, instead of concentrating intensely on what's directly in front of me, I should look further ahead and become aware of my peripheral vision. He explained that widening my visual attention could help my thoughts subside.
So I tried it. And here's the funny part. I was trying really hard to do the exercise correctly! I was concentrating on my peripheral vision, making an effort to notice everything around me, trying to make my mind clear.
Until he reminded me to relax. That was the whole point. I was turning an exercise in relaxing into another task I had to accomplish.
And I wonder how many of us do exactly the same thing in other areas of our lives. We try hard to succeed. We try hard to be good partners, parents, friends, or professionals. We try hard to become better versions of ourselves. We even try hard to relax, meditate, be present, or stop overthinking. And sometimes, all that effort creates more tension.
We become so focused on getting things right that we forget to experience what we're doing.
Perhaps you've noticed this yourself. You sit down to meditate and start wondering whether you're doing it correctly. You take a holiday and feel you should be making the most of every moment. You work on your personal growth and become frustrated when an old pattern appears again.
Even our desire to improve ourselves can become another source of pressure. What if, occasionally, we allowed ourselves to loosen up? To stop concentrating so intensely on the outcome and give ourselves permission to simply experience what's happening?
What Are You Missing While You're Focusing?
Dr Murata's exercise taught me something beyond the experience of having fewer thoughts.
When I relaxed my gaze and became aware of my peripheral vision, I noticed more of what was happening around me. And my mind became less occupied with whatever I'd been thinking about. That made me wonder how often we do the opposite in everyday life.
- We focus so intensely on one thing that everything else fades into the background.
- We focus on the person who didn't acknowledge us and overlook the people who appreciate us.
- We focus on the opportunity that didn't materialise and miss the possibilities opening up around us.
- We focus on what we haven't achieved and forget how far we've already come.
- We focus on the problem and struggle to see the possibilities.
Our attention becomes so narrow that we start believing the small part we're looking at represents the whole picture. But there's always more happening than what we're concentrating on. And sometimes, widening our attention is enough to help us see it.
Sometimes we're so focused on what's directly in front of us that we forget how much more there is to see.
What Happens When You Change the Angle?
This morning, I put on my broken glasses.
With one arm missing, I had to tilt my head slightly to keep them in place. And guess what? I could still see perfectly well. All I needed was a different angle. It made me laugh, because isn't that so often the case in life?
We look at something from one perspective and become convinced that what we see is the whole picture.
Someone ignores our message, and we feel rejected. Someone disagrees with us, and we question our judgement. Someone else achieves something we want, and we wonder why we're falling behind. Yet the same situation can look completely different when we change our perspective.
What if that unanswered message has nothing to do with us? Or the person who disagrees sees something we haven't considered? Or someone else's success is evidence of what's possible rather than a measure of what we're missing?
The situation may remain exactly the same, while our experience of it changes completely.
What Are You Trying to Prove, and to Whom?
There's another question worth asking ourselves.
How often are our ambitions influenced by the desire to prove something?
To prove that we're successful. That we're capable. That someone was wrong about us. That we deserve to be loved, respected, or included.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to achieve great things, build meaningful relationships, or receive recognition for our work. But the motivation behind those desires matters. Consider the difference between: One day, I'll show them what I'm capable of. And: I know what I'm capable of, and I'm excited to see what I can create.
The first keeps our attention on the people whose approval we're seeking. The second allows us to focus on what matters to us.
And now I can see another connection to Dr Murata's advice. When we're constantly trying to prove ourselves, we can become so focused on the destination that we miss the experience of getting there.
We push harder, plan more, compare ourselves with others, and wonder when our time will finally come. But what if our time is already here? What if we're already making a difference, already creating opportunities, already living parts of the life we've been working towards?
This is a reminder to loosen our grip on how we think everything should happen, feel good about ourselves, and enjoy more of it today.
A Little Insight in Perspective
The next time you catch yourself overthinking, feeling overlooked, or trying too hard to make something happen, try this.
First, widen your vision.
Find a safe place to stand or walk. Allow your gaze to rest comfortably ahead of you. Without straining your eyes or moving them constantly from side to side, become aware of what's happening at the edges of your visual field.
Notice the shapes, colours, movement, and space around you. There's nothing to achieve. Loosen your shoulders and your face muscles. Simply allow yourself to relax. Create some space in your thoughts and from this peace you can then ask yourself three questions:
- What am I focusing on so intensely that I might be missing everything else? Perhaps your attention has been captured by one disappointment, one problem, or one desired outcome.
- What am I trying so hard to prove, and to whom? Notice whether your efforts are coming from something you genuinely want or from a need for recognition and approval.
- What might I see if I relaxed and looked at the situation from another angle? Consider what else could be true and what possibilities you may have overlooked.
Sometimes, a little space between ourselves and our thoughts allows us to see things differently.
Seeing the Bigger Picture
Looking back at the retreat, I find it amusing that I had almost forgotten Dr Murata's advice. He'd told me to stop trying so hard, relax my focus, and widen my vision.
A few days later, I found myself staring at a pair of broken glasses, wondering what I was supposed to learn from them. And the next morning, there I was, wearing those same glasses with my head tilted, discovering that I could still see clearly.
I don't know why that tiny screw disappeared. And I'll probably never find out. But the experience reminded me of something worth remembering. We can spend so much time trying to make life happen the way we think it should that we overlook what's already happening. We can become so concerned with how other people see us that we forget to appreciate who we are. And we can try so hard to find clarity that we create the very tension that makes it difficult to see.
We could all benefit from relaxing our focus occasionally, looking around us, and appreciating the bigger picture.
As for my glasses, I still need to get them repaired. Walking around Tokyo with my head tilted isn't particularly practical! But they've already given me something valuable to think about.
Sometimes, all it takes to see clearly is a change of perspective.
And perhaps, a little less trying!!!
A Question for You
Where in your life are you trying too hard?
And what might you discover if you relaxed your focus, widened your perspective, and allowed yourself to see everything that's already there?
If you've ever struggled with overthinking, self-doubt, or the feeling that you need to prove yourself, these are some of the themes I explore in my book, As I Am: How to Stop Overthinking and Start Being.