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My mother challenged me yesterday. We were talking about the phrase I use so often: Create a life you don't need a vacation from.
“Well, that's easy for you to say,” she told me. “You travel all the time. What about people who can't? People who have businesses they can't leave, families to take care of, responsibilities?”
And I realised she had interpreted the phrase in a completely different way from what I mean by it. So perhaps it is time I explained.
Creating a life you don't need a vacation from does not mean being on vacation all the time. It does not require travelling the world, working four hours a day, living by the sea or having enough money to do whatever you want.
It means creating an everyday life you actually enjoy, so you are not constantly waiting for the next vacation. Because your life should be fulfilling today.
Waiting for Life to Begin
I hear people say things like:
- “I just need to get through this week.”
- “I can't wait until the weekend.”
- “I'll relax when we go away in August.”
- “After Christmas, things will calm down.”
- “When the children are older…”
- “When I retire…”
There is always another point somewhere in the future when life will supposedly become easier and we will finally have time to enjoy it. But what happens to all the days in between?
If you spend eleven months of the year waiting for your summer holiday, five days waiting for the weekend, or decades waiting for retirement, you are spending an enormous percentage of your life waiting for your life to begin. And that is what I question.
Most of Life Is a Typical Wednesday
Most of us will have some extraordinary experiences in our lives. Beautiful holidays. Celebrations. Achievements. Adventures. Days we will remember forever. But those days are the exception.
Most of life is a typical Wednesday! It is waking up, having breakfast, working, taking care of things, speaking to people, cooking dinner, walking the dog, feeding the cat, driving somewhere, answering emails, doing the shopping and going to bed.
So perhaps the more useful question is: How can I make Wednesday a little better?
Maybe you have half an hour. Maybe you have ten minutes. Maybe, during a particularly demanding period of your life, you have five. What could you do with those minutes that gives something back to you?
You could sit outside with your coffee instead of drinking it while answering emails. Walk around the block. Put on a song you love and dance in your kitchen. Read five pages of a book. Call someone who makes you laugh. Sit in silence. Exercise. Cook something you enjoy. Watch the sunset. Play with your children instead of thinking about the next thing that needs to be done. Whatever brings you pleasure, energy, connection, presence or rest.
These things can look insignificant. They aren't. Because these are the moments that keep you going. They make up what truly matters in your life.
“I don't have time”
This is one of the things I hear most often. And sometimes life genuinely gives us very little room. Caring for someone, raising children, dealing with illness, running a business or struggling financially can consume enormous amounts of time and energy.
But I also think “I don't have time” deserves to be questioned. Before deciding that there is no time available, look at where your time actually goes:
- How much time do you spend scrolling?
- Watching television?
- Doing things out of habit?
- Saying yes when you want to say no?
- Doing things because other people expect you to?
- Trying to do everything perfectly?
- Staying busy because you have forgotten how to stop?
Most of us can find at least ten minutes somewhere in our day. Start there.
But there is another part to this
Creating a life you don't need a vacation from is about more than finding small moments of joy. It is also about being willing to question the structure of your life, something I explore in my book, As I Am.
This is what success looks like. This is the career I should have. This is how much I should work. This is what a good mother, father, daughter, son, partner or business owner does. This is what someone my age is supposed to want. This is just how life is.
But is it?
At some point, we have to stop and ask: Why am I living this way? Did I choose this, or did I simply continue doing what was expected of me? What parts of my life still work for me? What could I change?
Some things cannot be changed today. Some responsibilities are real. Some circumstances require patience, sacrifice and practical limitations. But there is often far more room for choice than we recognise.
It might be a different boundary. A conversation we have been avoiding. An hour reclaimed. A habit changed. Something delegated. Something stopped. Something started. A decision that has been postponed for years. And sometimes, eventually, a much bigger change.
Take responsibility for the life you are living
This is perhaps the most important part of what I mean.
We cannot control everything that happens to us. But we can become conscious of how we are living. We can question. We can choose. We can make changes where changes are possible. We can stop postponing every source of joy until some imaginary future when everything is finally sorted out. And we can begin with something very small.
You do not need to redesign your entire life tomorrow. Ask yourself one question:
What could I do today that would make today feel a little more like a day I want to be living?
Then do it. Tomorrow, ask again. Because creating a life you don't need a vacation from does not mean you stop taking vacations. I certainly won't. It means you go on holiday because you want to explore, rest, experience something different, spend time with people you love or simply enjoy yourself. You are no longer asking those few days to compensate for the other 350.
That, to me, is The Art of Living.
Creating a life you want to be present for. On holiday, at work, at home, and on a typical Wednesday.
If this article has made you question how you are spending your days, take my Life Balance Quiz. It will help you look at the different areas of your life, see where you are already fulfilled and identify where you may want to make some changes.